Cell phones
Fuck, dude. I can't believe all the leaked numbers on Paris Hilton's cell phone have already been changed. If I could have just gotten it a few days earlier ... I could have told that Vin Diesel what a fucking pussy he is. And called out Pauly Shore. Oh, yeah, and I could have called up Paris herself, and been like, "Hey, bitch. At the end of the day you are only good for one thing. So you just come over here, get down on your knees, pull your hair back ... and scrub my fucking floor." Oh, what did you think I was going to make her do? Shit, I'm already radioactive; I don't need even more diseases.

Although I could have called up that goddamned Lindsay Lohan and REALLY given her a piece of my mind. Finally settled the score. Challenge her to meet me at Toys R Us for a rematch. Damn it. People say I need to learn to let shit go. But damn it, I draw the line at people who are causing the world's destruction. Fuck if I'm gonna let anyone else do it before me.